I see you lurking in the fields. Between the maize crops. In a white jalab and your hijab wrapped delicately around your head to reveal a beautiful oval shape. Your hands are hid behind you but I can see your arms make a weird shape as of someone beholding a knife.
This used to be our favorite spot where all I could see was that twinkle of happiness in your eyes. But now I searched and found rage and bitterness. I saw a stranger with a soul burning with vengeance. But for what? I could not bring myself to understand the motive behind your aura.
I go, “Halima, I came as soon as I saw your text.”
No response.
It was later than usual & dark clouds began forming shapes in the sky.
I go again, “come to me dear, I’m parked just across the road, the rains will descend upon us soon.”
She goes, “I have no care for that!”
Oh look at that, she speaks.
I go, “is everything okay?”
She proceeds to me & I reflexively step backwards.
Then she goes, “who are these personified characters expressing opinions and making promises to?”
I go, “what, what are you talking–”
“What are the odds? Isn’t it obvious that nothing is certain?”
“Well it depends on the context you are speaking in. I personally think that–”
“How many times do they have to tell you that the only one you should challenge everyday is the you from yesterday?” She cuts in on me again.
Now I can’t hide that I am pissed by these interruptions and make no attempt to answer her next question. My defense would be that I assumed it was a rhetorical one.
She stares back, obviously waiting for a response and I cannot even deal. Once again, I attempt to respond for peace sake.
“Halima, we really need to leave–”
“I am confused by all this illusion-fueled depth!” she sighs and continues her rave while I make a mental note not to drop my two cents on whatever question she asks further.
“…We are so carried away, gone with the wind. So much spiteful comments, angry people and sadists in every city. Why are we holding back, why do we let the pressure consume us?”
Silence.
Nice try, I think to myself. I’m not falling for this one.
Silence.
“Don’t you just want to be around the people you love and those who love you back? Are you not tired of unrequited love? Don’t you want to live for the nights you can’t remember but with the people you will never forget?” She continues.
“What are you talking about? I love you!”
“Do you?”
Where is she going with this? Halima was narcisstic and suicidal. I knew this and in all sense of safety, I should have left her a long time ago. But I really did love this girl against the odds.
So in a bid to end this drama and most importantly, leave this now eerie place, I take her in my arms and say to her “you can drench your tears in my clothes all you want. I’m here to stay, always and forever, and–”
Before I could finish my sentence, she had lunged the knife I totally forgot about into my lower abdomen.
In another second, she struck me again.
And again.
And again. Our eyes never departing each other.
Until my feet gave way & I hit the ground.
Now the rains had begun. Instead of her tears, my clothes would be drenched by the rains and the blood gushing out of my wounds..
Still grappling onto life that I knew was long gone, I saw the last of her and her blood-stained jalab and uttered what I believe would be my last words to her: “You bought my love but I paid for it. I paid for it..” and my eyes shut forever. She never looked back.
…
