“That was the best night I had had in months.”

As I grow older, I see and feel myself changing – physically, mentally, emotionally. My thought processes too. It amazes me to think about my disposition to things now & how they would have differed years before.

Anyway, I was rummaging through my things one Sunday morning when I bumped into an old purse I acquired from mother without her consent. Therein, I found a passport photograph of myself from when I was about 4 or 5 years old. That was when the nostalgia began. My lips parted into a tired smile as I wondered if precious little me I stared at would be proud of what present day precious had made of herself. A desperate need to receive a hug from little me jostled me from my thoughts. It consumed me. At that moment, it was all I wanted – an embrace so pure & non-judgmental & untainted with motives.

This feeling took me back to 2017, an encounter with my little cousin in Newcastle. She was barely 2 years old & she was the prettiest and most curious little thing. She was also the neediest & most mischievious child I had experienced after Arinze who was also 2 years old. We called them the terrible twos. But Isabelle was special, so special that she could do no wrong in my eyes except when she wanted me to sing baby shark with her when all I wanted was to sleep really, or when she claimed ownership of my personal space by wanting to eat, sleep and watch her favorite show, peppa pig, all on me or around me as the case applies.

On this day however, I didn’t realize how much of an “Isabelle” I could be. I was sitting on the floor of my room when she walked in like she had begun to do when she didn’t find me anywhere in the house. I was in a mood, it felt like pain was leaking out of me. Her next action surprised me, almost like she could see that I was not in the best spirits. She walked towards me with her tiny legs & called out my name “C-son!” (just like a French person would – wherever she learned that) with a very infectious smile. Of course, my name is not Cson. She was trying to pronounce my Igbo name “Chisom” with her scanty vocabulary. Then almost immediately, she wrapped her arms around me, tight enough for me to inhale her babyish scent. I hugged her back earnestly. That’s when it hit me – I had no idea how much I needed a hug until that moment, & even better, it came from the purest form of love you could ever imagine. Well, she soon got bored of me & wriggled out of my embrace to do more fun things. I didn’t mind, that was enough for me. That was the best night I had had in months.